Live more, work less

Today I go back to the office, after a glorious two week break.

I try to not make new year resolutions any more.  At least not hard ones. I am trying instead to follow one simple mantra:  live more, work less.

This comes from the realization that this working full-time gig has taken a toll on me.  Yes, there have been perks.  Greater financial security. Career advancement.  This is nothing to sneeze at, especially after 15 years of financial dependence on another, a bad marriage, and a couple bouts of depression thrown in for fun.  We’ve come a long way, baby!

The end of my marriage five years ago was transformative.  I think I knew that the day ex-h dumped me.  It was an ice-cold shock, but oh, the possibility!  I was in a state of horror but glee at the same time.  Nothing would ever be the same.

I spent a year purging out cobwebs and licking my wounds.  I then went back to school, advocated for myself and the kids hard, spent some interesting times with some interesting (and some not!) men, travelled.

I grew up.

And grown-ups have jobs.  At first part-time.  I have been at it now full-time for four months.  I threw myself into it.  I am a single working mom! Go go go!

I worked hard.  Too hard.  At the expense of myself, and (gulp) somewhat at the expense of the kids.  I depleted myself.

And now I understand what this obsession with balance is all about.

What I realize finally is that I can’t find this balance thing with this much tipping the scales.  Something has to be let go, so that I can not be too tired to get to the gym, so that I can take the extra half hour to plan meals for the week, so that I can choose my clothes the night before so that I will look (and feel!) my best.

And to that end, it has to be work.  I work two jobs from one desk and that is tough.  Both have been understaffed to boot, and I have made that my problem to fix by working more.  This ain’t gonna fly anymore. Not my problem.

So here I swear before the internets:  I will live more, and work less.  I will do the best I can in the 35 hours a week I am paid for.  That I can guarantee.  But I will not squeeze in those extra hours in the vain hopes of catching up, in the way that I have been.

Ok, rant over.  Time to put myself together, and get to work.