I don’t know if I am more angry or frustrated or just plain old defeated right now.
The kids are 12 1/2 and 14 now. They’re at an awkward age when it comes to summer and what to do with them. Most of their friends aren’t doing any sort of camp. They’re either vacationing or just hanging around the house, or spending the days with friends doing what preteens that age do. My kids are no exception. They spent the first two weeks of summer doing exactly that.
But then, brilliant me, thought it would be a good idea for them to also do a week of something structured, which meant, yes, a day camp. Neither of them have ever been wild about camp. I spent the first 10 years of their lives as a SAHM, so I never needed camps for childcare. It has only been the last couple of summers that I’ve been working. Anyhow, their thoughts about camp are that they pretty much hate it. It may as well be school, no matter how much I try to tailor the choice of camps to their interests…it feels like an obligation to them. It may as well be school, they protest.
Anyhow, I went ahead a few weeks back and enrolled them in camp for this week. Drama camp for her, movie making camp for him. They both are interested in these things, so I thought I had chosen well. I dropped them off this morning without too much protest, and worried all day about what they’d report to me at pick-up.
The girl? She HATES it. Hates the counsellors, says the other kids are way too young and that she has nothing in common with them. According to her she is “by far” the oldest at 14- the next oldest kid is 11, and the youngest is 9. I found this surprising as it was supposed to be for 11-15 year olds. Oh well. The boy was sitting in a corner of the gym playing on his DS with a girl when I picked him up. He moaned a bit, but he is more easy going than his sister.
By the time we got home, she had completely worn me down. She, in her oh-so-Aspie way, went on and on and fucking on about how horrible it was. I tried to present positives to her, but she would have none of it.
And then I gave up.
I said, fine, you don’t have to go.
This put me in a delicate position with her brother. How could I make him go when she didn’t have to? I know he dislikes it just as much, but he doesn’t persevere the way she does.
So I said to myself, fuck it. I can’t deal with her negativity like this for a whole week.
But then, then I was angry. I don’t know who more at- myself, for giving in, or her, for, let’s face it, being what she is. New social situations are difficult for her at the best of times, let alone ones where she is so cognizant of standing out like that.
I just have to accept, $400 later, that I blew this one.
Lesson learned? I am not sure what. Argh.