Peeking up the rabbit hole

It is 2:00 p.m. and I have gotten more done that I think I have in weeks.  I dropped off G’s lunch at work that he’d forgotten at home, got my tires torqued, did a small Costco run, made a good lunch for myself with yummy leftovers, emptied and refilled the dishwasher. Still not feeling joyous (am I expecting too much only 12 days into the new meds?  Probably…) and not even happy…but I am managing.  I want to do better than manage though, of course, and NOW.  Of course hypocritical me just posted a comment on someone else’s blog about being compassionate and gentle with oneself when struggling.  

I am loathe to jinx myself, but I am hoping this means that something in this jumble of neurotransmitters is changing for the better.  I remember the last big depression and anxiety episode I went through in 2008 it kind of worked this way- first the searing anxiety left, and then, weeks and a couple of meds adjustments later, the clouds of depression lifted as well.  

I also had the best orgasm I’ve had in eons over the weekend.  I wonder if that is the Lexapro exiting and the Effexor entering the scenario?  

I am going to push myself a little bit and try to cross a couple of things off my list that have been weighing on me and that I have been avoiding.  Avoidance just increases my anxiety so I am trying to look at this as not just tackling a long-neglected to-do, but self-care too.  Keeping things simple is always a good strategy for me, and getting rid of those things I have been avoiding makes my life simpler.




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